Parenting Teenagers
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way . . .”
A Tale of Two Cities
Charles Dickens
Parenting Teenagers:
When you read the above quote, don’t you think that Charles Dickens had spent some time with a teenager? It is indeed the best of times and the worst of times.
Challenges that Teenagers Make Parents Face:
Typical adolescent behaviors that parents have to face with their teens. Of course, it will be your hope that you will not have to face all of them with any single child; however if you have several children, your chances increase that you will have to deal with more of them. Having good parenting tools to use with teenagers at your disposal will become very important to you because you will need to use all of them at one time or another.
Effective parenting tools are needed when your teenager:
- has a disrespectful attitude toward parents, family, and others
- challenges requests or rules
- is self absorbed and unable to see things from someone else’s perspective
- is lazy and careless about responsibilities
- has a negative attitude toward life, school, or people
- is emotionally withdrawn and distant from you
- has a tendency to pick friends of whom you disapprove
- erupts in anger that sometimes seems to come out of nowhere
- lacks motivation for school and fails to maintain grades
- neglects home chores and responsibilities
- has mood shifts that seem to neither rhyme nor reason
- is mean to siblings or friends
- lacks interest in spiritual matters
- detaches from family events and wants to be with friends only
- lies and is deceptive about activities
- is physically aggressive and violent
- is truant from school or run away
- abuses substances–alcohol, drugs, pornography, and so on
- engages in sexual activity
When a child is young, you want to stop them from doing something that will cause them to hurt themselves like skinning their knee or cutting their finger. During the teen years, parents become aware that you have to keep the child from behaviors that are a lot more life threatening or life altering. You have to prevent them from activities that will affect the rest of their lives or even, heaven forbid, shorten their lives. Teenagers seem to be oblivious to the consequences of the choices they make and parents are overwhelmed by the dangers that lay ahead.
Parents must walk a tightrope between the teen’s desire for total freedom and the need for total control that will keep them safe until the teens learn to make the best decisions for themselves. The role the parents must play in their lives is more important than it ever has been. While the teenagers is making demands, throwing tantrums, shouting threats, and basically just acting out, you have to maintain your composure and set loving but firm limits.
As your teen demonstrates that they can act responsibly, you have to loosen your hold on them gradually while praying and trying to maintain your sanity.
It is indeed the best of times and the worst of times. Many teenagers actually grow into responsible adults and survive their teenhood. Remember yours!
*list of behaviors taken from Boundaries with Teens by Dr. John Townsend
Parenting Today's Teenagers
